Ukusondelana nowakwakho kuvusa imizwa esithithibele

Ezempilo:                                       noDkt Thabile Mthembu

UMSHADO ongenayo inkonzo yasekame- lweni yinto esijwayeleke kakhulu, kepha okungakhulunywa ngayo.

Kunezithandani ezihlala ndawonye, ezikhuli- sa umndeni ngokubambisana, futhi ezisebudlelwaneni obuhloniphekile, kodwa ngaphakathi kunokuthula okungekuhle, okugcwele imibuzo, ukudideka nokuzizwa ungafunwa.

Lokhu akusho ukuthi abantu kabasatha-ndani, futhi akusho ukuthi kukhona ongathembekile ngaso sonke isikhathi.

Uma ucansi lwaluyingxenye ebalulekile yobudlelwano benu, bese luyanyamalala ngaphandle kwengxoxo ecacile, sekuwuphawu okumele lunakwe.

Abanye bathi, “ucansi kalusikho konke emshadweni,” futhi lokho kuyiqiniso. Umshado kawugcini ngocansi kuphela.

Akumele sikuphike ukuthi ebantwini abaningi ucansi luyindlela yokuzizwa usondelene nophathina wakho, ufunwa futhi uthandwa.

Kumele sikuqonde ukuthi ukusondelana (intimacy) akusho ucansi kuphela. Kungaba wukubambana ngezandla, wukugonana, wukuhlala eduze nikhulume ngaphandle kokuphazamiseka, noma wukuhleka ndawonye.

Lezo zinto ezincane zakha umuzwa wokuthi, “sisekhona thina/sisathandana.”
Uma nalokho sekuphela, ucansi luvame ukunyamalala nalo.

- Kungaba yizinguquko zomzimba noma amahomoni.
- Yizinhlungu ngesikhathi senkonzo yasekamelweni.
- Yizinkinga zokuvuka komzimba ngokocansi.
- Wukwehla kwelukuluku noma wukulambela inkonzo yasekamelweni.
- Wukugula isikhathi eside noma yimiphumela yemithi (side effects).

Yingcindezi, wukukhathala, wukungazethembi ngomzimba, wukudangala, noma wukukhathazeka.

Kwezinye izikhathi kuba yizilonda ezingabonakali njengokukhulunywa kwamazwi angemahle noma abuhlungu, wukungathembeki, wukungahloniphani, noma mhlawumbe sekuyisikhathi eside uzizwa unganakiwe.

Uma kungakhulunywa ngalezi zinto, kugcina kuthuleka sengathi konke kulungile, kanti ngaphakathi kunobuhlungu obukhulayo.

Lowo ofisa ucansi, angazizwa engafunwa/enganakiwe noma azizwe sengathi akasakhangi, bese kuthi lo ongayifuni inkonzo yasekamelweni, azizwe ecindezelwa noma ehlulelwa.

Bobabili basala bengaphathekile kahle, futhi benokuqhelelana.

KUBALULEKILE ukukhuluma ngezinto ezinganiphathi kahle othandweni.

Yingakho indlela yokukhuluma ibalulekile. Umehluko mkhulu phakathi kokuthi, “awusangifuni?” nokuthi, “ngiyakukhumbula ukusondelana nawe, singakhuluma?”.

Owokuqala uvala umnyango, owesibili uzama ukuwuvula. Impendulo kayivamile ukuvela ngosuku olulodwa, kodwa ingxoxo enokwethembeka ingaba yisiqalo.
Ukubuyisana akusho ukuqala ngocansi.

Kuvame ukuqala ngokwakha kabusha ukuzizwa uphephile noma ukhululekile, ukwethembana nokuthintana okungenawo umgomo wokuthi kuphele ngocansi.

Lokho kungaba yizingxoxo ezimfushane nsuku zonke, wukuhamba kancane ndawonye, noma ukubuyisela imikhuba emincane enakha ubudlelwano ngayo.

Uma kunzima ukukhuluma nina nodwa, umeluleki womshado noma i-sex therapist inganisiza ukuvula ingxoxo ngendlela ephephile.

Ukufuna usizo akusho ukwehluleka; kwezinye izikhathi kusho ukukhetha ukungahlali ebuhlungwini.
Ekugcineni, umbuzo awuwona nje ukuthi, “silwenza kangaki ucansi?”,

Umbuzo ongcono uthi, “sisazizwa sisondele kangakanani?” Uma izinhliziyo ziqala ukusondelana futhi, kwesinye isikhathi umzimba uyalandela.

Men’s clinic
Certified sex therapist
Sitholakala eMidrand naseMhlanga
031 309 1832 / 011 568 7481
Whatsapp: 064 347 7615 / 060 787 9941